American Ninja Warrior Fantasy League Finale Preview

Team Zach – 198 Points

Remaining Competitors

Daniel Gil (2017 – Stage 2, 2016 – Stage 3)

Josh Levin (2017 – Stage 2, 2016 – Stage 2)

Ethan Swanson (2017 – City Finals, 2016 – Stage 2)

Team Outlook

The good news for Team Zach is that his three best performers of the season all survived Stage 1. The bad news is that is third best competitor this season has been Ethan Swanson. That’s not to say that the Swan hasn’t had an awesome year, it’s more an indication that his other top picks failed to get up the early points he needed to stay in the hunt. He’s sitting 34 points out of first at the moment. Much like when Ethan Swanson falls on a balance obstacle, you’ve got to be nervous about Zach’s long-term chances of survival.

All joking aside, Swanson will be one of the key pieces in a Z upset. If Swanson can get to the last obstacle of Stage 2, that’s worth 12 extra points for the squad and that’s very possible. But the real key to this team’s success will be Gil. He’s the best bet for a Stage 3 run (he’s been there before) and he’s one of a very small group of guys with the talent to go all the way. Josh Levin will be the wild card. My boy has beaten every single course he’s faced besides Stage 2 and the rock climber has the raw strength to give Stage 3 a serious go. But Levin has never quite seemed comfortable on Stage 2 and that has even the optimistic guys worried.

Dream Scenario

Levin goes Ian Dory circa Season 7 and survives Stage 2 before reaching the last obstacle of Stage 3. The carnage continues for many other big names while Gil shoots up the all-time lists with another trip to Stage 3.

“The Robber Has Been On My Brick Since The First Roll” Scenario

Gil gets his hair in his eyes and falls early in the episode. Then Swanson is fast forwarded after the first commercial break. Later, it looks like Levin is going to hit his first Stage Two buzzer, but it turns out he can’t swim. That’s a real problem for the final underwater obstacle.

Team Larry – 200 Points

Remaining Competitors

Jake Murray (2017 – City Quals, 2016 – Stage 2)

Chris Wilczewski (2017 – Almost Drowned, 2016 – Stage 2)

Team Outlook

After some shocking falls on Stage 1, Team Larry went from seven buzzers down to just two and his son’s a little too bearded face is creeping up behind him. But Team Larry is filled with back bounce performers. Both Jake Murray and Chris Wilczewski didn’t even make it to a warped wall last year, but they have been monsters in their return to Vegas. Chris is not so quietly a top 5 Ninja on the season with arguably the most impressive performances to date. He’s a legit Stage 3 threat and did I mention IT’S AN EVEN YEAR??!!

Jake Murray may be a fun-loving guy, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a fierce competitor. He’s one of the guys who wants to win the most out of anybody and he had the fastest time out of anybody on Stage 1. That should mean he will get to watch a lot of other guys take on the most difficult obstacles before it’s his turn to go for the buzzer.

Scenario like Larry’s City Finals

After the last obstacle takes out some of the giants in the game, Chris Wilczewski becomes the first one to beat it and smash a buzzer. Then, in a truly herculean effort, Wilczewski continues his momentum and completes Stage 3. I know that sounds kinda crazy, but I wouldn’t say it’s impossible considering how beastly this dude has looked. Murray adds in some nice points with a deep run on Stage 2. He packs some goggles in his fanny pack for the last water section.

Scenario like Larry’s Stage 1

The curse of Grant McCartney finally catches up to Jake Murray after the caddy gimmick on Stage 1. Then, after Chris Wilczewski is seemingly going to beat the course with time to spare, he gets to the final underwater obstacle and can’t make it through because … well … the dude almost drowned last year. How are we gonna put a water obstacle in for a dude who literally had a mental breakdown after being stuck under water?

Team Jarrett – 205 Points

Remaining Competitors

Drew Drechsel (2017 – Stage 2, 2016 – Stage 3)

Adam Rayl (2017 – Stage 2, 2016 – Stage 2)

Thomas Stilling (2017 – Stage 2, 2016 – Stage 2)

Josh Salinas (2017 – Stage 2, 2016 – N/A)

Team Outlook

If Team Jarrett was a bit closer in the standings, I’d be feeling pretty good about his chances. He’s got four really strong Ninjas left including arguably the best guy in the whole thing (Drew Drechsel) and two of my personal sleepers in Adam Rayl and Josh Salinas. I’m not a believer in Thomas Stilling’s strength, but even he has a decent shot at least finishing as a last obstacle of Stage 2 kind of guy. Realistically though, given the current deficit, Team Jarrett needs two guys climbing on Stage 3 and maybe even a guy on the rope climb to steal the trophy from his wife.

2012 Moravian Jarrett Scenario

In case you missed, during Stage 1 Matt Iseman said a lot of the other Ninjas believe Adam Rayl has the tools to go all the way. He shows those tools on Stage 2 with an impressive performance (and maybe even gets lucky with a hardest obstacle that is more strength based and less swing/weight related). Salinas and Stillings each get their full runs shown during the actual meat of the show and then Drew closes things out with not one, not two, but three buzzers. Drew then cries tears of joy as Jarrett also cries tears of joy.

2018 Bellmore Jarrett Scenario

Turns out that even though a blog post Jarrett wrote about ANW was briefly shown on an actual episode of ANW, that doesn’t mean he knows how to pick a team. Just like in the Friend’s League (which I’m so far out of I didn’t even want to write a stupid preview), my team flops big time and the guys I thought were solid end up looking like Zach Lifman on the double-up-down-criss-cross salmon ladder or whatever it is this year. Then, when it looks like Drew his on his way to Stage 2, he has a shocking slip up on the last obstacle. Drechsel ends the show crying tears of sadness. Either way, he’s crying. Lock it in.  

Team Nicki - 227

Remaining Competitors

Sean Bryan (2017 – Stage 3, 2016 – City Finals)

Tyler Gillett (2017 – Stage 2, 2016 – N/A)

Mathis Owhadi (2017 – N/A, 2016 – N/A)

Hunter Guerard (2017 – Stage 2, 2016 – N/A)

Team Outlook

This is a very young team with perhaps the least experience of any of the five squads. Even the Papal Ninja Sean Bryan has only made the Vegas finals once before this season (although he’s hit his last 7 non-Stage 3 buzzers which is better than anybody else can currently say). But this is also a very talented team. Mathis Owhadi is looking like the best midseason pick up we’ve seen since … well … Sean Bryan last year and that worked out pretty well for whoever had him (yes, it was Nicki. Of course it was Nicki).

I still like Gillett as an x-factor but don’t see him as a Stage 3 guy. He hasn’t taken quite the leap I expected out of him. Guerard looks much better which his hair cut I can tell you that. Not sure how that will translate to the Ninja course. At this point Guerard is a win no matter what happens as Nicki swapped out Abel Gonzalez for the Lizard before the start of Vegas.

Overall, Team Nicki is just 5 points back with 4 capable Ninjas left. I’d say this team is the underdog, despite their talent, but we’ve seen Team Nicki win two straight trophies, so you can’t count them out.

I’ll Pick Up Sean Bryan Scenario

Mathis Owhadi proves he’s the real deal. He’s not blinded by the bright lights in the big city and shows that he’s got the magic in him. If we see Owhadi on Stage 3, Team Nicki suddenly looks like they are in the perfect position to win the title. To help clinch things, Sean Bryan continues his saint-like climb to the top of the Ninja universe. He gives us visions of Geoff Britten with a dazzling forearm display and punches the Stage 3 buzzer.

I’ll Pick Up Charlie Andrews Scenario

Things are off to a rough start when they show a fast forward of Mathis Owhadi’s run and Matt starts it by saying, “Until tonight, Owhadi has hit ever buzzer he’s faced …” Then there’s a cut to Mathis falling on the first obstacle. Then there’s trouble when Akbar says “Despite a lot of prayers on the sidelines, Sean Bryan got crucified by the Wave Runner.” (Yes, I know that joke is in poor taste, but this is better than the other Catholic Church related joke I had planned here). For a moment it appears that Tyler Gillett is going to be the hero, but he can’t make a finger-tip save on the last major obstacle.

But Hunter Guerard ends up being the last guy standing, somehow miraculously giving Nicki the victory. Look, even in the worst-case scenario, the Ninja gods will find a way for Nicki to win. She always does. It’s just the way these things go.

Team Matt – 232 Points

Remaining Competitors

Najee Richardson (2017 – Stage 3, 2016 – Stage 2)

Jamie Rahn (2017 – Stage 2, 2016 – Stage 1)

Nicholas Coolridge (2017 – Stage 2, 2016 – Stage 2)

Eric Middleton (2017 – Stage 2, 2016 – Stage 1)

Team Outlook

Yes, this team has three of the 12 remaining competitors in the competition who have hit every buzzer they’ve faced in Season 10, but I think we need to talk about Eric Middleton. The bug ninja, a dude that I literally smack talked for no reason in the first (and second to last) episode of the American Ninja Debate podcast has scored as many points as Drew Drechsel this season. Middleton has quietly made Stage 2 each of the past two years, a fact that guys like Joe Moravsky and Kevin Bull can’t brag about. The dude is legit and props to Team Matt for snagging him (and holding on to him when Jon Alexis was just sitting there for the re-taking).

But, ultimately, if Team Matt is going to maintain it’s 5 point lead, it will likely be due to a breakthrough from Coolridge or Rahn. Both of these guys seemed poised for history after Rahn survived Stage 1 without shoes and, perhaps more incredibly, the show actually aired an entire Nicholas Coolridge run! Throw in Najee the Flying Phoenix (who is this squad’s top performer to date) and this team will be hard to beat.

Having Zach As A Brother Scenario

Najee Richardson proves he’s deserving of the Poster Boy status he has had all season with a monstrous performance on Stage 2 and a career best result on Stage 3. Jamie Rahn avenges (pun not intended surprisingly) a near fall on Wing Nut Alley from last year and shows why he’s a hero with a Stage 2 buzzer. Coolridge gets fast forwarded (this is an ideal scenario, not a completely make believe one), but still gets to the last obstacle.

Having Zach As A Brother Scenario

Overconfidence is still a big Ninja killer. Richardson finally falls victim to it and mistimes a leap to one of the obstacles leading to a splash. Jamie Rahn goes next, but he doesn’t listen to Edna Mode and gets his cape stuck on one of the obstacles (no he doesn’t usually compete in a cape but whatever). The bug ninja ends up as Matt’s top guy and instead of running home to Emily with a nice pocket of dinner money, he ends up in 3^rd place handing some cash over to his favorite of Zach’s friend and his wife.

Luke’s Podcast

https://drive.google.com/open?id=10mZERKwdvHyywSk9K95mX_YKMDEn1L4a

Bracket Pod: Part III

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1zdEoBNARRltYemQGDFCW5vEUs_E3JI7J

Bracket Pod: Part II

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1292VfEwyzT5eD4u0Wg6q2ku8mQ3fEHs3

Bracket Pod: Part I

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1TjJghATopEyKqPe6n86GXrELOhTOCZbI

Ken(ny)’s Podcast

On this episode of the Espo’s Groomsmen Podcast, Jarrett is joined by his good friend Ken(ny) to discuss the important things like his funny friends, his not as funny friends, racing, and, of course, Ersan Ilaysova.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1nAl4Zj_QFLYvHvEMoMREiqFRWc1FaOyy

Josh’s Podcast

On this episode of the April Fool’s podcast, Jarrett is joined by the one and only Josh to talk for a long time about a lot of things including first impressions, camp, Batman, super heroes and Zach’s favorite movie series.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=18EQJn3SB217V21kNREyiFrFzi-PyFxwM

Zucker's Podcast

On this episode of the Ben Creases Podcast, Zucker brings his talents to the podcast to discuss old Muhlenberg, new Muhlenberg, old people, young people, role models and Fox.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1pKdRuE7k67hxk0R6vMxLMhBbmU8EjtEx

Fox’s Podcast

On this episode of the No, Jarrett, You're Off The Team Podcast, Jarrett is joined by Fox to discuss Drake, respect, lots of commercials (like lots) and, of course, DadHat.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1KYI_bsdlFq79xy-434xbfMWB50h3KxKJ

Emergency Podcast (?)

On this special edition of the Blue and White Striped Sweatshirt podcast, Jarrett is joined by three guests to break down the events surrounding the 2018 Boston Marathon as well as married couples, wedding parties and Paul Saunders.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=19LNCBOG9IVXr4WA5K6ExFlsEYWvTJPJg

Charlie's Podcast

On this episode of the Third Floor Prosser podcast, Jarrett sits down with Charlie to discuss humble Vermont origins, Players' Players, Marathons, Road Tripping and getting in a bar fight.

Part I: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1hxonUC0IPREcP3-FiGjk_mF4ndraZ9_e
Part II: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1ddbj2-k0JBd_UZeFBqOvMfUv-K5A450b

Tauber's Podcast

On this episode of the Everybody Calm Down podcast, Jarrett talks to Tauber about math, fashion, humor, e-sports, and hypothetical swapping.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1gJnjpd2Pgd9Z9x5VT_udPCPI9OghwEEK

Zach's Podcast

On this episode of the Jarrett's Old Glasses podcast, Jarrett teams up with Zach to discuss Josh, DOF, Logical, Benfer 203 and cutting off your pinky.

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1KnSESmQygQBPOBLk_MghSxFcWlIbbKrS

Ninja v. Ninja Preview: Episode 1

Beasts from the East

James McGrath, Erica Cook, Dave Cavanagh

After teaming (quite successfully) with Drew Dreschel each of the past two seasons, James McGrath and Erica Cook will look to continue the legacy from the Real Life Beasts as part of the Beasts from the East. The pressure will be on McGrath as he likely moves to the “anchor” role on this team previously handled by Drew. To date, James has been a … well … beast on the course and has rolled through 6 career matches with 6 career wins. However, the competition he faces should turn up a notch this season. Will he rise to challenge? Meanwhile, Erica Cook looks to bounce back after ending last year’s competition on a devastating injury. She’s a seasoned competitor with 7 matches in two seasons, including a clutch tie breaker victory in Season 1.

The newcomer to the team is Dave Cavanagh. He has yet to compete on a team ninja competition, but there is reason to be optimistic about the newcomer’s potential. Dave qualified for the Vegas Finals on ANW Season 9 out of Kansas City. By time, he finished in the top 10 during both the finals and qualifying round, indicating he has good speed on the course. Plus, he cleared Stage 1 in the 7^th fastest time (right between all-stars Joe Moravsky and Nicholas Coolridge) and added his name to a short list of Stage 2 finalists.

Hashtag Ninjas

Nicholas Coolridge, Larissa Cottle, Jesse LaFlair

Much like Beasts from the East, Hashtag Ninjas will be missing their fearless leader this season. With Jessie Graff not participating in the competition this year, Nicholas Coolridge and Jesse LaFlair will be missing arguably their best ninja teammate on the course. But there is reason to think this team can stay afloat without Graff. Coolridge has made Stage 2 on ANW each of the past two seasons. He’s an agile, acrobatic ninja who should be able to translate those skills to the team ninja course when things click. La Flair made his team ninja debut last year and impressed by winning 2 of his 3 matches. His only loss came at the hands of ninja star Jamie Rahn in a tie-breaker match (Rahn was undefeated in tiebreaker matches last season).

Larissa Cottle will be tasked with filling the large shoes of wonder woman Jessie Graff. In her first major ninja appearance, Cottle made it to the city finals in Denver as one of the top women. She made it to the difficult Rail Runner in her best run, just one obstacle short of the warped wall.

Team Ronin

Flip Rodriguez, JJ Woods, Meagan Martin

Team Ronin was already a perennial power in the Team Ninja world the past two seasons. They were my personal pick to win the Season 2 edition and they’ve made the Ninjas finals each year. This season team captain Flip Rodriguez added another former captain in the form of the undefeated Meagan Martin. Meagan has won 6 of 6 matches on Team Ninja and is statistically one of the top female ninjas on ANW and Team Ninja. It’s unclear just how much of an advantage that will be relative to year’s past (Tiana Webberley won 7 of 8 matches while a part of Team Ronin), but there’s no question Martin is a huge talent to place alongside two of the quickest ninjas in the game.

Flip and JJ are quite the one two punch. There are only three ninjas that have even had the opportunity to race double digit matches on Team Ninja over the course of two seasons-Joe Moravsky, JJ Woods and Flip Rodriguez. That speaks to how consistently competitive this squad is as they go for the title. However, it’s still managed to slip through their fingertips in tight matches. Last year, Flip struggled a bit with the ring of fire and won just 1 out of 4 matches he contested (he won 4 of 6 the previous year). This year he should have vengeance on his mind. Woods is good enough that he could be a team captain on his own. He’s feasted on non-captain competition, but he’s also won 3 anchor match ups (worth 2 points under the prior format). His 11 points scored for Team Ronin puts him tied for 5^th among all ninjas in this stat.

West Coast Warriors

Alan Connealy, Lindsay Eskildsen, JB Douglas

After a strong first season as a part of the ExpendaBulls, Alan Connealy captained his own team in Season 2. Although that squad (Flowmingo) didn’t make it to the finals, they put up a tough fight against eventual team champions Storm Team in the first round. It took a heroic double victory from Joe Moravsky to defeat Flowmingo. In the same episode, they were also toppled by Karsten William’s Fast Kats. Karsten has been the #1 statistical ninja according to my PER stat. So overall, Connealy and teammate JB Douglas have faced some brutal competition (and with Team Ronin on the horizon, I suppose things aren’t getting much easier).

Lindsay Eskildsen will be the new edition to this squad in place of the departing Luci Romberg. Eskildsen impressed last year on ANW, making it to the Vegas Finals out of the Daytona Qualifier. She was hung up on the very difficult Rolling Thunder obstacle which only Jessie Graff was able to surpass on the female side of competition.

You're In The Hall of Fame, Kid

There are certain moments in life that are so significant you will always be able to remember exactly where you were when they happened. For a slightly older generation than myself, a prime example of this phenomenon is the JFK assassination. Perhaps others may point to the OJ car chase. For me, I know that no matter what happens in my life, I will always remember exactly where I was the day Kid won the 800 bet.

Because I was there.

In my head, I imagined you gasping when you read that. If you didn’t gasp, don’t tell me. I’d like to continue to pretend that was an epic reveal.

The problem is you can’t force epic-ness. Unlike sheep clones or swine flu you can’t cultivate epic-ness in a lab. It needs to happen naturally in the wild in much the same way that bees pollinate flowers or Chris Pratt becomes jacked and attractive.

And that, of course, is why Kid’s run can never and will never be duplicated by anyone who knows his story. This story. So proceed with caution my reader. Know that what will be learned over the next 237 paragraphs (I’m just estimating here, but I write a lot and I indent a lot) cannot be unlearned.

Today/Tonight/Early Tomorrow Morning is the six year anniversary of one of the greatest athletic achievements the world has witnessed. As we all know (Tom McGuire voice), the six year mark is the threshold for which events can be considered for inclusion in the Jarrett Felix Hall of Fame for Things That He Thinks Will Fascinate Him For All Eternity. As such, the story needs to be revisited in full and tested against the joy scale. It will then be given a rating between 1 and 10 where 1 is Fermat’s Last Theorem and 10 is my patchy back hair. Scores of 8 or higher are accepted into The Hall.

Last year’s hall of fame class includes going out to dinner with Brendan Smith and his mother, conferences in the snow, and Bobby McGetrick. On the ballot again this year, after just missing a year ago, is the time Espo said I would be a godparent to one of his children.

So without further ado, let’s revisit this event in excruciating detail.

The story really begins on January 20^th for it was that day that Kid hit rock bottom. After a cross country season in which Kid’s only real highlight came as a result of snow, general incompetence about the length of the course and pissing on someone’s leg (metaphorically I think), he traversed to Lehigh to compete in the 5,000 meters. Hoping for the best, he set out on 25 laps of misery and nearly did a heck of a lot more than just pissing on his leg if you know what I mean.

Just to clarify, I mean he almost pooped his pants.

So after this result, Kid was relegated to the mid distance group because … well … he couldn’t be any worse at that than the long distance stuff. His first chance to prove his mid distance prowess came at the proceeding ESU meet (the Martin Darza Invitational) where Kid posted a 2:08 relay split on the 4x8-a PR for the 800 meters.

Here at the ESU meet, Kid and I both struggled to do anything all that impressive. That meant we were left off the itinerary for the first and last Armory Meet of the season. Only the most accomplished runners on the Muhlenberg roster were worthy of a spot at the prestigious Lafayette-Rider Games like Jeff Reinhart or Jeff Reinhart (he ran two events).

So instead, Kid and I stayed home. We did a workout on the indoor track and Kid nearly got into a fight with some basketball players who kept getting in our way. There was something about this workout, this fiery display of passion that brought us together as a middle distance corps. I felt like we were hungry (and not just because we were the two biggest eaters on the team) to produce big results as soon as we had another chance. This was the beginning of our training group and I believe it directly led to both of our eventual sub 2 minute 800 performances.

But more importantly, it also led to the 800 meter bet.

Boom. Another equally dramatic reveal-I KNOW YOU GASPED!

OK, so let’s summarize here. Kid has a 2:08 PR. He’s generally unimpressive. He has just done a workout. And then, he did what any college student would do on a Friday night, he got drunk. The estimates for his degree of inebriation are approximated at 8 beers. Not sure of the concentration of alcohol in said beers but you can safely assume it’s a cheap brew that is not Coors.

I sat with Kid as he ate a sizable quesadilla at our usual table in the General’s Quarters (a place where you can get food late at night at a college) and we began conversing about the only thing that we ever really talk about (even now when we are fat and out of shape): running. The exact transitions are lost to the annals of history, but eventually the confident Kid began to brazenly brag about his abilities to post a fast running result while also vaguely alluding to a Metallica concert that he wanted to attend.

So logically, as anyone who knows me knows I would be likely to do, I offered up a completely absurd and one sided bet which gave me little to nothing to gain. I bet Kid $50 that he could not run under 2:13 in the 800 at that moment. Well, saying “bet” implies I got some type of monetary reward if he failed. I said I would give him $50 if he ran under 2:13 is probably more accurate.

At the time, it seemed like an easy bet. He was 8 beers deep. He was 1 quesadilla deep. He had already completed a rather difficult workout. It was cold out. It was kind of snowing outside. This was a no brainer. I put up $50 bucks as incentive, money that he could use towards the aforementioned Metallica concert. Kid, on the other hand, was trying to talk me out of doing the bet since he was confident that I was basically throwing away money. Internally, I laughed at this. Externally, I also laughed at this.

We had an agreement and, as a crew, we began the arduous process of putting this wager into practice. It was quite the motley crew of unlikely supporters at the time. Reusing the original code names from 2012 (some of these have not aged well) it was Kid, me, Sam, 3s Company, Space Jam and Girl. The fact that Space Jam and Girl were in attendance for this event (circa 2012) is pretty amazing in its own right. I’ll save you the 9 paragraphs I had planned on that for the sake of efficiency, but just know it was odd-defying.

Things did not get off to a great start for Kid. As he began his warm up routine, he was joined by 3s Company who was similarly intoxicated. 3s Company made it about 2 minutes before he just gave up. That increased my confidence in the wager. Then Kid needed to get spikes. He briefly broke into the locker room before panicking about the alleged “silent alarm” going off and getting the heck out of there. Instead, he wandered over to our friend Lion Paw’s room. He boldly intruded on Lion Paw, who entertaining his lady friend Gold Star at the time, just so that he could borrow some spikes. Spikes that, I might add, were missing 6 of the 10 spikes that would normally be in them.

With his weapons in hand, Kid led the way excitedly to the Muhlenberg track. It was chilly and lightly snowing as we approached under the cover of darkness. Kid hopped the fence. The rest of us realized the gate was open and went around.

Another important detail here-at the time of this event, our track had a sink hole in lane one. That meant we had this immense barrier on the homestretch that stretched out to Lane 3. Kid was going to have to run around that, just another obstacle to his seemingly impossible task.

Kid did maybe one and half drills and a stride and then he stripped down to a pair of neon yellow women’s running shorts and a bare chest. He was ready. Logically, I was put in charge of the timing.

Now, for those of you who know Kid, it’s important to reiterate that, at the time of this race, he was only a 2:08 guy. He had run 17:40 for 5k some two weeks earlier. He couldn’t break 30 minutes in XC. This was a long, long time before he got the (mostly undeserved) gamer reputation that he holds in his arsenal now. So my doubt was strong and, in a surprisingly devious fashion, I decided that no matter what the first lap was I would tell Kid that he was on pace. I imagined him coming through over 70 seconds and beginning to struggle before I told him he was on pace. Then, he’d put his head down and struggle even more. What a genius plan! He said sarcastically setting up another paragraph in a comedic blog post.

Even at the start, when Kid got out perfectly on pace through 200 meters, I didn’t lose this overwhelming doubt. “He’s gonna die so hard.” You could hear my amusingly high pitched commentary clearly on the video. But Kid’s best friend/lover Sam never wavered in his belief. He knew Kid could do it from the beginning and cheered his heart out for his partner.

Kid approached the 400 meter mark and I read off the splits as planned. 63 … 64 … 65 …

Only this wasn’t a joke. Those were the actual splits! GASP!!

Now my giggling commentary of “He’s gonna die so hard” had become a panicked cry of “He’s gonna die so hard”. Kid continued to roll around the track and blasted off the final straightaway, breaking into view on our cell phone video just as Sam shouted “Do you believe in miracles?”

I stopped the clock. 2:10.84. A negative split. A near PR. No competition. Yes Snow. Beer. A sink hole. And of course, the most important part of it all, he went into the night with no expectations that this would ever happen.

With the most evil grin, he smiled at the camera, knowing that he had seemingly just done the impossible. It was a grin that could haunt your nightmares, but it quickly transformed into an innocent, joyful smile. Kid was just a kid doing what all kids do. Following their dreams. And doing stupid things when they are drunk. Millennials, am I right?

Honestly, this moment made for an incredibly fun night. But it was also career defining. From that moment on, Kid PRed in basically every race he ran. He got down to 2:01 by the end of the spring and became a certified middle distance runner. He became a gamer (most of the time). Some of that was the confidence that came from this race. Some of that was the fact that if he ever ran 2:10 or slower again he would never hear the end of it. But regardless of what it was that motivated him, it worked.

And your boy also ended up having a pretty good 2012. Once Kid dropped that performance, I didn’t lose a heat 800 meters or below the rest of the season and ran lifetime bests for 800 and 400. So thank you Kid. Without you, I would be nothing.

“Well, all I gotta say is … you’re welcome for the show … YouTube or wherever this is going … uh … this is like really gonna go toward my Metallica concert … in June …”

“I-I resigned myself to the fact that no matter what I was coming through on pace … at least …”

“Yo I just want to be an inspiration to all you young-uh-beer 800 meter runners … just good luck and you know you just gotta fight you know you gotta overcome adversity so um peace have a good night you’re welcome …”

Final verdict: 10/10. You’re in the Hall of Fame, Kid.

The Running Diaries - Part I

Hi there friends,

So I wrote a book! I've been playing around with this fictional story idea for a while and, although I suppose it's still a work in progress, I finally got it to a point where I'm ready to share it with people and get some thoughts.

The story is about 130 pages long so it's a legit read. And yes, because it's me, there is a strong running component to it. The book centers around a set of high school runners (shocker) facing your classic high school problems: friends, family, struggles, success. There are three different story lines involved that cross paths at the books end which was a fun way to write things.

I'm obviously fascinated by running, but I'm more interested in story telling than anything else. I would say this a book about runners more than a book about running. There's running involved (you have to write about what you know), but the real drama revolves around the kids individual journeys to figure out who they are.

Hopefully these story lines are universal enough to be relatable for the non-hard core runners (99% of the population) that find me interesting enough to click the link and check it out.

If you do take time from your busy lives to give it a read, I'd appreciate any feedback (positive or negative; the negatives ones help me improve more, but the positive ones admittedly make me feel better about myself). You can shoot me an email at jarrettfelix1130@gmail.com with your thoughts.

So that's my speech. If I've convinced you to give The Running Diaries a shot, check out the link below. Oh, and let me know if you have trouble access it. 

Book link (PDF via Google Drive): https://drive.google.com/open?id=1-IjggIwhf7cHEagISv6CzoNXX9o3bSKD

Feel free to download the doc to your CPU for easy access.

Team Ninja Warrior Stat Attack

With the newest season of Team Ninja Warrior fast approaching, I thought it might be interesting to take a look back at the past two seasons of the show to see which Ninjas had put together the best performances in the format’s brief history. This spring’s rebranded Ninja vs. Ninja may not have the exact same rules as what we saw in prior editions, but I’m assuming that basic skills required to be successful will be consistent.

Before we jump into the statistics, let me first refresh you on the basics of team related ninja competition. Competitors compete side by side to see who can finish a series of obstacles fastest. Unlike normal season competition or even USA vs. the World, the obstacles aren’t designed to be particularly grueling or challenging for the top talent. Instead, they try to incorporate the ninja basics like balance, strength and ingenuity into shorter, simpler challenges which will shift the mindset toward speed rather than endurance. However, like conventional competition, if you fall first, you’re out.  

For a look at how these theories work in practice check out this link to past episodes: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5OM_1NMxFP1xSMU8dclWuQ

Based on the Sasukepedia Team Ninja Warrior pages, I reviewed all the matches from the last two seasons and summarized the runs to see which Ninjas were most effective in this speed oriented format. Here is what I discovered¹:

Win Percentage

The first, most logical way to gauge success was to look at a Ninja’s Win Percentage. There are seven ninjas who have never lost a match in team competition (minimum two matches):

Michelle Warnky (8/8)

Meagan Martin (6/6)

James McGrath (6/6)

Karsten Williams (5/5)

Jesse Labreck (4/4)

Kacy Catanzaro (4/4)

Kristi Pratt (2/2)

Eight other ninjas have won at least 80% of their matches as Joe Moravsky (9/11) and JJ Woods (8/10) have the most total wins of these names.

Points Per Run

But a big wrinkle in Team Ninja Warrior is the “Anchor Run”. The competitor chosen to race last of those on their team can get two points instead of one if they win their match up. This same anchor runner is typically chosen in tie-breaker match ups. If we give these specific types of match ups, which are worth more to a team’s success, double value, we can estimate a Points Per Run.

A total of 15 ninjas average more than a point per run, meaning they are not only consistently winning, but also consistently defeating top notch opponents in clutch situations. Here’s a look at the top ninjas in points per run:

1. Karsten Williams 2.00 (perfect score)

2. Joe Moravsky 1.64

3. Travis Rosen 1.50

4. Drew Dreschel 1.43

5. Daniel Gil 1.38

T-6. Matt Wilder 1.33

T-6. Jamie Rah 1.33

T-6. Ian Dory 1.33

Adjusted Win Value

Another way to adjust a ninja’s wins for their competition is what I call Adjusted Win Value. This gives extra value to Ninjas who have consistently beaten other ninjas with a high winning percentage. For example, if you face someone who is a ninja legend like Jessie Graff or Joe Moravsky and come out victorious, you are rewarded for your efforts more than if you faced me out on the course. Note that these numbers are adjust for number of wins so as not to favor people with a higher number of races. When you rank using this system, here are your best competitors (minimum two wins):  

1. Brian Wilczewski 63.4%

2. Thomas Stillings 56.7%

T-3. Brian Arnold 54.6%

T-3. David Campbell 54.6%

T-5. Barclay Stockett 54.2%

T-5. Kristi Pratt 54.2%

7. Daniel Gil 53.2%

This means that Brian Wilcezwski defeated Ninjas that, on average, have a 63% win percentage.

Adjusted Strength of Schedule

One last thing I considered was an overall strength of schedule. This takes into account not just the ninjas that you beat, but also the ninjas that you didn’t. On a match to match basis, which Ninjas were facing the toughest competitors opposite them on the course?

T-1. Nathan Jasso 91.7%

T-1. Adam Grossman 91.7%

T-1. Rachel Mulvaney 91.7%

4. Melanie Hunt 84.4%

T-5. Mike Chick 82.9%

T-5. Geoff Lancaster 82.9%

That means that, on average, these ninjas were facing the best of the best competition which made it tough for them to pick up victories, even if they were on top of their game.

Final Rankings

I considered all these stats and a few others to come up with a final ninja rankings. Based on my own PER of sorts, here’s what I’ve got for your top Ninjas.

1. Karsten Williams 0.988
2. Michelle Warnky 0.940
3. Daniel Gil 0.936
4. James McGrath 0.935
5. Travis Rosen 0.928
6. Joe Moravsky 0.927
7. Drew Drechsel 0.924
8. Barclay Stockett 0.916
9. Ian Dory 0.910
10. Jamie Rahn 0.909
11. Ryan Stratis 0.904
12. Dan Polizzi 0.901
13. Jesse Labreck 0.897
14. Matt Wilder 0.83
15. Brian Arnold 0.892
16. Thomas Stillings 0.885

The rankings are set so that a “perfect” ninja would result in a 1.0 output and your average ninja comes out to 0.5. If you’d like to learn more about any of these stats or you catch an omission, feel free to reach out!

¹Note that, although carefully copied from the Sasukepedia page, there may be an error or two in here that throws off the final stats outlined above. My apologies in advance if anything like that happened. You can see the full results for yourself at these links: Team Ninja Warrior Season 2, Team Ninja Warrior Season 1

Also, note that these results do not count participants from Team Ninja’s College Madness series.

NFL Championship Picks

Jaguars @ Patriots (-7.5)

There’s been a surprising amount of drama around this game as Tom Brady’s hand has become a fascinating subplot. But Brady’s hand aside, I don’t see any reason to doubt the Patriots in this game. One of the biggest pro-Jags arguments I’ve heard has been Tom Coughlin, which I’m not sure I buy as a legitimate weapon in this game.

The secret about the Pats in recent weeks is that Dion Lewis is their biggest weapon. They can run the ball effectively and get the ball to the guy in space even with a slightly less effective Brady. Tom may take some hits and even throw a pick, but I think they can control the clock, utilize the running game and get the ball to Gronk. The offense will be fine.

As for the defense? I’m not overreacting to this Blake Bortles madness, but I’m also not going to bet on him to have success. Unlike the Steelers, the Pats haven’t had a ton of weird games this season where they almost blew it against inferior teams. They take care of business and they game plan effectively. I think the Pats should be able to contain the run like they did against the Titans and I just don’t see Bortles doing anything. It’s still Blake Bortles, right?

Pats win. Pats cover. On to the Super Bowl.

Vikings (-3) @ Eagles

I’m very tense about this game. Just like last week, I think we’ve got a decent shot. The Eagles are a similar team to the Vikings with respect to the fact that they have a solid run game, play great defense and have a quarterback that people are ready to bet against. It seems like another ugly game like the Raiders and Falcons is in store. Which means I will lose another year of my life watching on Sunday night.

I’m terrified of the Vikings receivers in this match up. Diggs and Thielen are great playmakers and make Keenum look good. We managed to contain Julio, but for whatever reason I feel like these guys after the catch ability is even more dangerous. That might just be a “we are playing the Vikings now and we weren’t before” type of feeling driving that statement, but all the same it’s how I feel. We avoided biting on the double moves last week, but I don’t think we’ve heard the last of that mistake.

Can the Eagles offense put up points? The running game was effective last week, but we weren’t scoring touchdowns. I’d like to see more from Alshon Jeffrey in this game. I was really excited to see them take a deep shot first play of the game (it’s exactly the call I wanted) and I hope that (weather permitting) they will try and push it a little bit at times. I don’t think we can just sit back and throw short passes all day again, but it worked last week so I’m not complaining.

Ultimately, I’m picking the Vikings here. Do I actually think they will win? I’m not sure. They definitely could win. But really, I’ve sucked with my picks this year and I have to use that reverse jinx magic to the best of my ability. 

A Harry Potter Running Post: Because That's Something I Would Probably Do

By Jarrett Felix

Imagine a world where magic is real. A secret society, hidden within the one we know and love. Now imagine those magical folk are assigned to run a cross country race. Which of them would be fastest? That’s the question on some many peoples’ minds when they read the Harry Potter books. And that’s the question I tackled below.

Let’s start with the houses. We all know there is a certain mental make-up that goes into being a runner. So let’s analyze what traits we know each wizard has in the various houses and try to match those up to a typical runner personality. That way we cut our work down by 75%.

Hufflepuff

As much as it sometimes seems like it, a Hufflepuff’s traits are actually not just “suck too much to be in another house”. They had Cedric Diggory for goodness sakes. A Hufflepuff should be loyal. They are hard-working and good friends. I feel like they seem to fit the runner’s mantra pretty well. Maybe not team captain (can you imagine Ernie McMillan as your XC team captain? No way), but definitely a key #5 runner on a good team.

Ravenclaw

Runners are smart. I mean, in a lot of ways we are stupid. But if you look at Ivy League programs or schools like Stanford, you see a lot of star runners that had good enough grades to get into the door. And you can say some of those kids got help, but I also don’t see all the best football players going to Princeton or Penn. They’re going to dang Durmstrang out there (no offense to Durmstrang, they have their talents I’m sure). Of course being intelligent doesn’t automatically make you a runner, nor does being a runner automatically make you intelligent. So, I’m confused did we figure anything out about Ravenclaws’ running abilities? Can somebody bring in Roger Davies to help us out here?

Gryffindor

Yes, runners have to be brave. But I feel like you don’t want to be too brave. Like I’m not sure you want Harry Potter style running in blindly, blatantly heading into a super obvious trap. That’s like the kid who “bravely” goes out in 60 for the mile before dying hard to a 5:12. You just know Harry Potter has the Prefontaine poster with the best pace is a suicide pace quote.

Slytherin

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t get into Slyterin because you are evil. Most of the evil people came from Slytherin, sure, but Pettigrew came from effing Gryffindor and he’s like the worst one of them all so let’s just all pause for a second and give the Snakes a chance. Now the Slytherins are ambitious, they are pretty cunning in their own right. I feel like they could be pretty skilled racers given the right set of circumstances.

So ultimately, which house is going to make the best runners? My opinion: it could be any of them. The house features alone aren’t enough to pin down the perfect runner qualities. So no, we did not cut our work down by 75%. We kept our work the same while also doing other work. I’m no Ravenclaw, but I think we might have just wasted some time.

***

I won’t bore you with a careful breakdown of all of the most referenced characters in Harry Potter’s unique running related qualities (spoiler alert: Argus Filch doesn’t do so hot), but instead I’ll just jump right to my top 7. You might be thinking, ah top 7 like cross country top 7. No. You’re wrong. Top 7 like the most powerful wizarding number 7. In the words of Percy Weasley, “Come on, keep up.”

If I’m drafting my team, I definitely want Cedric Diggory on the squad. He violates the age old rule of the best runner is usually never the best looking runner, but Cedric just seems like a hard-working, competitive athlete who isn’t afraid to get there and push himself to the limits. He is willing to die out there for his teammates. Sorry. Too soon.

This next pick may be a bit controversial, but give me Voldemort on the squad. Tom Riddle may not have the biggest heart in the world, but, horcruxes withstanding, he literally can’t die. So that should hopefully allow him to push through some barriers. Plus, the guy has suffered his sole being ripped from his body. He can probably handle a good solid 10x1000 meter workout. Like it or not Riddle is going to get out on the course and be a cold-blooded killer. And you need a couple cold blooded killers out there.

Now if we are putting together a squad, we need to have a Weasley. The Weasley family is made up mostly of ballers. Not Ron, he’s not quite baller level. But give me Ginny and Charlie for sure. Ginny is a fiery, competitive talent who is the right level of brave. As in she isn’t as stupid as Harry is. The only time I’ve really seen her back down is when it came to naming her kids. She also goes on to be a professional quidditch player so I mean yeah she’s good at sporty stuff. You can’t teach talent.

Charlie is another big talent in the Weasley family. He also works with Dragons. That’s the kind of crazy skill you would expect from an eccentric runner. And he’s got long hair. The way man buns are in style with runners these days that should be a plus.

OK, so I know you aren’t going to like this one, but here me out. I’m throwing Luna Lovegood in the top 7. As far as I see it, this could go a couple different ways. First, she could just zone out and give zero nargles about the race. Or should could just zone out and have one of those awesome runs where you turn your brain off and just race. It’s not like she’s a total space ball, she is a brave fighter who battles at the Ministry and at Hogwarts and survives both times. When she gets it going she can be a fighter, but sometimes you need to let yourself get out of your own head to have success racing. She’s a nice boom-bust kinda runner to have in the top 7.

Also making the squad was Blaise Zabini. Why Blaise you might ask? Part of is definitely the name. Ok, all of it is definitely the name. But let’s just remember Blaise works his way throughout the story/movies from no name dude in Slytherin house to important tag team member in the Malfoy vs. HP fights. So the guy knows how to move up the pack, earn his stripes and ride for his team. Is passing massive loads like Crabbe and Goyle on the totem pole really an achievement? Especially in a running related context? No. But am I going to pass up the opportunity to get a dude named Blaze on a team that runs? No, no, definitely not.

Que White Goodman voice. I almost forgot. Our last player. Her Nuclear Power Plants team won the Quidditch World Cup three years running. Which makes her the deadliest woman on earth. With a quidditch broom.

For my final pick, I’m taking Madam Hooch. Do we know much about Madam Hooch? No. Did J.K. Rowling have a rich backstory in mind for this minor character? Somewhere between possibly and probably. Did I have my own rich backstory for this character? Well, now I do. I kinda imagine she was a really good player in her hey day and now she is just one of those tough ladies who doesn’t take any crap from anyone and secretly could beat you down if you tried to talk back. You know she is still waking up early before quidditch lessons just to bang out some reps in the gym and fly a couple laps around the grounds. She stays light on the firewhiskey and keeps her mind on fitness at all times. Seems like a great runner to have in the fold.

There you go. That’s the squad. Coach is Hermione Granger and team photographer Colin Creevey (RIP). Owls fly around instead of the lead cart. It’s worth noting that Owls are super smart! I wish we normal humans could help control Owls the way wizards do! Think of how much easier life would be.

Running analysis at its best y’all.

NFL Divisional Picks

Atlanta (-3) @ Eagles

I do think that the Birds have a legit shot at beating the other Birds at home in an ugly game. The defense is really good and proved a year ago they can hang with this offense. We could get pressure, keep the game ugly and get a win behind our home crowd. The Eagles are certainly due for a playoff win. 

I like the “nobody believes in us” angle, but I’ve also heard basically everybody talk about how nobody believes in us and that could be a mistake so is it really an angle at this point?

Ultimately, I just have a hard time believing a battle tested, experienced team with a strong playoff quarterback is going to be toppled by Nick Foles. I’m sorry, Nick, I’m just not a believer. Plus, our secondary has been exploited the last few weeks. I’m terrified of Julio.

I think it’s a coin flip personally. So I’ll try and help out the Eagles with a reverse jinx and pick the Falcons to sneak out a cover.

Titans @ Patriots (-13.5)

The Titans are not good. I don’t think I’m being hyper critical. It’s been pretty clear all season. They beat Andy and Kansas City (which I completely whiffed on), but this is Bill and Brady. This is a whole other level. I think the Pats will shut down leading Titans receiver Marcus Mariota, score a ton of points and roll. They can’t possibly make this line high enough. I remember Kelce dominating that Chiefs game and am just picturing Gronk in his place this weekend.

Jaguars @ Steelers (-7)

At first, I went back and forth on this line. I was worried about the Jags potential to cover. It wasn’t that long ago that Timmy Tebow went against Pittsburgh and pulled off the upset-Bortles can be Tebow, right?

No, I really don’t think so. Also, can we give Tebow some love? I was a big Tebow guy. Like I didn’t think he was good, but at least the guy was a gamer who won and was respected. Literally every defensive player in the league hates Blake. He compared himself to Lebron, but honestly I’d feel more confident with Lebron at QB this weekend.

Saints (+5) @ Vikings

My one upset pick of the week. I was lower on the Saints than most last week I would say, mostly because I doubted Drew Brees. Whoops. I think Carolina’s defense was pretty solid and, even if they aren’t Vikings level, I just don’t see how you are gonna be able to contain all those New Orleans weapons.

And I apologize, but I’m not on the Keenum bandwagon just yet. I’d rather see him in the NFC Championship if we somehow get there. By a lot. I may be underestimating the guy, but I need him to prove me wrong like Drew did last week.

The Vikings are playing with a back up QB and a back up RB with receivers who are real good but not household names for the average fan. It just feels like that offense shouldn’t be good enough. Of course defense wins championships and they’ve got the best one in the league (sorry Philly).

Minnesota may win this one, but I get 5 extra points the Saints direction if I go with them, so to me this isn’t that difficult.

My New Favorite Sport

It’s almost 2018 which means the Winter Olympics are on the horizon and, unlike year’s past, I think I might actually try and watch some. Look, to me the Summer Olympics are the glory Olympics and it’s not just because of track (although I’d be lying if I didn’t say that played a role).

The problem is I just don’t get the winter sports. Growing up, when it got to be summer time, I was hype to go outside and run around and play games. When it gets to be winter, I’m just kinda … you know … waiting for winter to be over. Not that there isn’t fun stuff to do outdoors in the winter. I like snowball fights. Honestly, one of my biggest regrets in life is not having more authentic, war style snowball fights in my youth. Building snowmen, while perhaps a tad overrated, can still be an entertaining past time. Personally, I was always a fan of simply trying to roll a ball of snow to the biggest possible size. However, despite an undeniable demand for giant snowball rolling, it’s not an Olympic event (fingers crossed it sneaks into the winter edition of world’s strongest man).

But just because I can’t watch an Elf style snowball fight, doesn’t mean I can’t throw myself into some new sport and still be entertained. I mean, I love America. They are still competing in the games (unless this Mueller-Russia thing really gets out of hand), so surely I can find something involving USA to get behind. I could pick something like Hockey, but that would be too logical (plus, you know, Canada) so instead I’ve found myself diving headfirst into Curling.

By now I feel like most people have at least encountered some form of curling in their life. Maybe they play that game where you slide the things across the table with a bunch of salt on it. Maybe they have a stereotypical grandmother who plays shuffleboard in Florida with Muriel and Ruth. Or, perhaps, they are Pete Fensen, 8-time national champion and the skip of the men’s rink that represented the United States at the 2006 Winter Olympics where they won the bronze medal (the first Olympic medal for the US in curling).

Just a reminder to give to Wikipedia. They do so much good.

For me, I discuss Curling strictly for the joke potential. I mean it seems like such an easy target. It looks like people sliding a circle down ice and then sweeping around it (because that’s what it is) and that seems like a silly game that I feel like people that live outside of Minnesota could find amusing to imagine playing. So this past week, when I watched some of the 2018 Curling Olympic Trials Round Robin action, it was intended to just be a brief session to gather material for the next time I’d like to try and be funny around people I don’t really know. I even recorded a video of me enthusiastically watching it.

But here’s the thing, two hours later, I wouldn’t have had to fake the enthusiasm. I actually got really into the game. Like authentically. I know it can sometimes be tricky to portray sarcasm in print, but this is legitimate interest. It was quite compelling trying to learn about the rules, the scoring and the strategy. After watched some quality matches I would say I am not even close to an expert, but I would also say that I have found at least one niche sport that I can check in on during the Olympics and 1) pretend to be knowledgeable in front of people and 2) potentially enjoy myself.

The first of those two concepts is really the more important to me personally. Look, there’s lots of ways for me to enjoy myself, but looking smart, witty and cool in front of others is not one of my specialties (as you probably guessed since I’m trying to use Curling to look smart, witty and cool). So if you don’t mind, I’d like to practice explaining some Curling things I learned watching mixed doubles Curling on the Olympic channel and then you can tell me how smart, witty and cool I sound. This way I’ll know.

Fact #1: The big thing that you glide across the ice-that is called a rock. Each round is called an End and the team that goes last in each round has the “hammer”. There are 8 ends in a game.

Fact #2: There’s a certain formation that starts the rounds with one rock at the front and another kinda near the middle circle thingy (we’ll get to that). However, there’s also a power play where that is not the starting formation and they move those rocks aside. Which helps you. But I’m not sure why.

Fact #3: You win by scoring the most points. That’s no surprise. But how do you score points? This is where Curling ends up making a name for itself. It’s kind of like Bocci in that you want to have your rocks as close to the middle as possible. It’s all based on how your rocks are close in comparison to your opponent’s. For example, say I am playing against this game named Greg. One of my rocks is closest to the center of the target out of all rocks, but one of his is next closest. So I would get one point. However, if I have the three closest rocks, I would get three points.

There’s no situation where Greg gets points. I’m the best Curler since Pete Fensen and Greg sucks.

Fact #4: Curling involves careful thought to set up your rocks and what not, but there’s a limit to how long you can think for and that timer counts down over the course of each end. I never saw anyone run out of think time so I don’t actually know what happens when you run out. I’m guessing it’s bad though. I don’t if like that’s just it and you lose or you have to just wing the rocks down the ice as fast as possible. The second thing seems unlikely and perhaps dangerous.

Fact #5: You have two different shoes. One is slippery shoe and one is a not slippery shoe. They didn’t look like skates. I’m not sure if you have to have one of each of these type of shoes by rule or that’s the strategy. I don’t feel like it’s the strategy because people slip and wipe out and stuff so it’s gotta be like a wrinkle of the sport or something. Kind of like how in Basketball you aren’t allowed to use your feet. Maybe. Again, much like the one slippery shoe in Curling, I don’t feel like I’m on super solid ground right now.

Fact #6: Sweeping happens. But I have a lot of questions about it. Like sometimes, there’s a lot of sweeping. Like tag team sweeping with yelling and really hard scrubbing. Then other times there’s no sweeping at all. They just slide that bad boy across the ice and let the chips fall where they may. There’s also moments where the other team is sweeping when it seems like they should be sweeping at all because it’s not their turn to sweep. There’s different ways to sweep, some to slow it down, some to speed it up. It’s hard not to get swept up in all the sweeping.

Also, I’m not positive it’s called sweeping.

Fact #7: You better pay close attention at the end of the rounds. Half the time, the teams are coming in and cleaning up before I’ve even had time to figure out who is in what position. Plus, I didn’t see a single referee out there so I think it’s kind of like call your own points. You can’t do that with most sports. Like if they had pickup basketball where you call your own fouls at the Summer Olympics, I don’t feel like that would end well. Every knows you’re not supposed to call anything (that’s the code), but there’s always that one guy who is yelling foul after he misses a contested jumper and messing up the game. I guess Curling doesn’t have any Gregs (yes, I’m using the same name from the first example to describe the guy who calls fouls in pickup).

So those are your facts. I bet you feeling like a Curling expert now, right? OK, well you at least want to watch it when it comes on again? Fine, but maybe you-no, wait come back! I’m ready to talk about figure skating and hockey now!

NFL Wild Card Playoff Picks

I'm far from an expert and, honestly, I don't even watch that much football. But I wanted to get on the playoff enthusiasm and make some picks for the wild card weekend playoff results. I've bolded my picks against the spread given the lines listed on ESPN. Hopefully I don't go 0-4.

Titans @ Chiefs (-8.5)
I know that the Andy Reid jokes are already locked and loaded as we head into this game, but the guy is still a great coach. He blows some close games and he's lost more NFC Championship games than I care to admit, but he's also gotten to all those games. I don't believe in the Titans one bit and I think the Chiefs will take it to them. I'm rooting for Andy and, heck, I'm rooting for Alex Smith.

Falcons  @ Rams (-6)
This is one of the trickier games for me personally. I'm absolutely terrified of the Rams as an Eagles fan. I think we have a good run defense, but we couldn't even come close to stopping Todd Gurley when we faced him. The Falcons have a ton of upside and experience, but they have also been inconsistent and inefficient. Barring a huge Julio Jones day, I think this game should be a big win for the Rams. Their offense is scary and their defense knows how to bring pressure. I like the Wade Phillips coaching x-factor.

Bills (+8.5)  @ Jaguars
I think the Jags will probably win this game, but I'm not comfortable with an 8.5 point line. If McCoy is healthy enough to make plays, he's a huge x-factor, but I'm pretty nervous about that ankle. Still, I like Sean McDermott as a coach, I think Bortles could keep the game close and I don't expect either offense to be particularly explosive. Some are afraid of how much the Bills celebrated last week, but I'm not buying this as a let down performance. I think they rise to the occasion.

Panthers (+7)  @ Saints
Again, I think the Saints probably win. However, I think a division opponent is always tough. Beating one team three times will be hard for the Saints even if the Panthers have basically no receivers. I respect Cam and I actually am not a believer in Drew Brees. Maybe it's just my fantasy team woes with him, but I think he may be starting to crest over the hill. The running game likely still advances these guys, but I think the Panthers make it a game with pride on the line.