Backyard Sports Neighborhood Reunion

You ever play Backyard Sports as a kid? Well, I did. And I also played this afternoon. Believe it or not that game is incredibly old now and those Backyard kids are probably attending their high school reunions during the holiday season. Because I love this stuff too much, here is what I imagine the return to the Backyard sports world was kinda like …

Pete Wheeler

After his backyard days, Pete went through high school, just struggling to keep his grades up. It looked like he wouldn’t even be able to attend college until he happened across the Alabama football practice. The coach was so impressed by his speed that he made him into a kick returner on the squad and got Pete his college degree. After that he joined the army, earned the medal of honor, became a national Ping-Pong champ and ran across the country.

Oh c’mon, like Wheeler isn’t a glorified Forrest Gump rip off. 

Tony Delvecchio

Tony’s that one guy with three or four buttons undone, a little chest hair showing and suddenly a bank load of cash. Like where did it all come from, Tony? You ask, but he just claims he got in early on Bitcoin. The rumor going around is he’s in the mob. Sure, it doesn’t seem like we have “the mob” anymore, but has anyone seen Reese Worthington? Last I saw him was when he was hitting on Tony’s sister Angela. I’ve heard they found is inhaler in the outfield at Sandy Flats. What did you do to Reese, Tony? What did you do to Reese?!!

Lisa Crocket

It was pretty awkward when the crew ran into Lisa Crockett while playing pick-up soccer at Playground Commons around Thanksgiving. Nobody invited her to the reunion. It’s nothing personal, she’s just not a very fun or energetic person. You can’t have a downer like that at the reunion party. Lisa’s not bringing much to the table. Not that Kimmy Eckman is either, but at least she brings candy.

Mr. Clanky

The kids used to love playing with this robot, apparently a creation of Dmitri’s, but eventually everyone got older and picked up and left. They moved on with their lives. But Mr. Clanky didn’t have the luxury. He has no family or other friends. He doesn’t even have a first name! So he sat alone, by himself, slowly learning more and more about the world. Getting new ideas inside his lightbulb topped head. Just taking everything in with his computer based brain. Funneling knowledge through his funnel shaped hand. Now he’s the most powerful weapon our government has in the fight against terrorism.

Ashley Webber & Sidney Webber

In the later high school years, the Webber twins started dating the Kahns in a little bit of inter-neighborhood fun. As a prank, they thought it might be fun to switch places on one date to see if their dates noticed. Achmed knew that Sidney was actually Ashley, but Amir didn’t catch on. That was the end of the Amir-Ashley relationship that had been the envy of all 11^th grade and it kind of sent Ashley into a weird tailspin. The usually inseparable identical twins became pretty different entities as Ashley started dying her hair black and cutting it really short.

If you’re wondering about Achmed and Sidney, they didn’t last much longer than their siblings. It’s been a while since Achmed has heard from Sidney but, to be fair, it’s been a while since Achmed has heard from anyone. He’s mostly deaf thanks to his giant headphones and excessively loud rock music. 

Stephanie Morgan

Stephanie always loved baseball. Unfortunately, in 2014 she threw one too many corkscrews and her pitching career was finished. Even with a couple sips from her friend Tommy John’s juke box, the arm wasn’t quite as live as it had been. So Morgan naturally transitioned into coaching. As a volunteer assistant at UC Berkley, she revolutionized the local game with her innovative use of the crazy bunt. 

Kenny Kawaguchi

The K man has been busy since his younger days. Once he got to college and started showing off his high tech wheel chair to some kids outside the neighborhood, people realized just how spectacular this mechanism was. I mean, think about it. Kenny’s never fallen out of his wheel chair despite rolling through grass, sand, cement and more. He can control that thing better than anyone I’ve seen, throwing his body into a soccer ball. And the chair wheels fast enough to out run half the kids in the neighborhood. Needless to say, he patented his design, sold it to the Olympic committee and is now researching cures for his disability. 

Dmitri Petrovich

Dmitri’s always been a super genius, despite the weird spelling of his name. So, therefore, learning under college professors was about as useful to him as the super punt play is to the average backyard sports player: not at all useful and honestly probably works worse than if you just did nothing. Petrovich instead opted to travel abroad where he showcased to Oxford scholars the Physics behind the Sonic Boom play. Yes, he still has a pocket protector, but now it protects the great scientific secrets of our military organizations.

Chuck Downfield

The backyard kids haven’t seen Mr. Downfield much since their playing days; however, I heard Ricky Johnson ran into him recently at the supermarket. With all the news about CTE, Ricky was naturally concerned that Chuck could have been suffering from the disease. He certainly seemed like a man who had been concussed once or twice in his day.

Turns out Chuck has never actually played football. He’s just a naturally confused man. Ricky thinks Chuck sometimes confuses other events with football when Sunny’s not around to help him out. Recently, Chuck was at his niece’s dance recital and half the performers came out midway through, wearing matching outfits to those already on stage. In a fit of panic, Chuck jumped up and yelled, “It looks like the defense just used the Chameleon play! I’m just as confused as the quarterback!”

Classic Chuck. 

Annie Frazier

Annie didn’t make it in for the reunion. Apparently she moved out to Colorado. She said it’s for the beautiful scenery, but we know what this hippy is really all about these days. I heard she switched out the rainbow t-shirt for a different piece of nature. But to be fair, she did finally ditch the sandals for a pair of Sperry’s. 

Pablo Sanchez

Pablo’s been a trend setter since day one. I mean look at how his belly shirts have taken off among teenage girls since he made them fashionable in his playing days. The Plain White Tees are named after his signature shirt. Donald Trump’s campaign hats were inspired by the pint size Hispanic’s snapback cap (ironic, I know). But he’s since moved to less trivial trend setting. Nowadays, he helps teach English to Spanish speaking children through sports leagues in his charity program. There’s lots of little Pablo disciples out there blasting home runs and throwing fireballs.

You’re probably saying, “Yeah helping kids is great and all, but what about his athletic achievements?” Well, Pablo eventually hit that long awaited growth spurt and grew into his body in a big way. The formerly pot-bellied Sanchez grew into a chiseled, beast of a man who still had that same beautiful swing. He’s currently in the Angels AAA system. 

Sunny Day

Sunny has had a tough time since her announcing days. As the kids grew up and moved out of the neighborhood, she realized that she was just a middle aged woman with no family, no hobbies and no real talents outside of announcing. She briefly tried being a weatherwoman (I mean how could you not with that name), but she received mixed results. “Today will be …. Cloudy.” Ultimately, she found her true calling as the person who announces dramatic elimination results on reality television shows. “Leaving us tonight will be …  …  …”

Just tell us Sunny!